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Many are entering into marriage with the preconceived notion that in-laws are intruders. I recently read somewhere that people go into marriages like they are going into a war zone and the statement isn’t far from the truth. Some of the misunderstandings that lead to divorce can actually be rectified but what happens when all your subconscious tells you to do is fight? Even when a simple dialogue could have solved it.

Are they truly bad or are you just projecting it based on the story of another person’s in-laws?

Getting married adds a lot of things to a woman’s life, among which is giving her a new family. Her husband’s family!

We have seen people pray that they do not meet their mother In-laws alive so they can live life to the fullest forgetting they will once be father or mother-in-law and the same prayer would be said for them. 

When do we want to start going into marriages with an open mind, expecting the best from our in-laws?

We need to change the narrative together and start doing better. Yes, there are terrible in-laws, in fact, there are those that are hellbent on making your life miserable but instead of fighting back, have you actually spoken to Allah about them? Why not hand them over to Allah and see what will happen? Set healthy boundaries by not necessarily being rude to them or keeping their child away from them.

No doubt, be it a man or woman, none has the obligation to serve the in-laws, in the case of the woman, she doesn’t have to serve her in-laws. However, they are an extension of whom her husband loves and the best way to settle into her husband’s life is to embrace his family with love and affection, the same goes for the husband.

Even between the best spouse, they are bound to experience conflict. So, why then do we expect a wife to have a flawless relationship with her in-laws? why do we expect her to be perfect? she shouldn’t be surprised when there are misunderstandings between her and her in-laws but rather be prepared for it and devises mean to deal with it tactically and not sever ties with them. 

“Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him maintain the bonds of kinship” (Bukhari) 

It may be hard to let go and be the one to bridge the gap between you and your in-laws, but winning your spouse’s love and respect and pleasing Allah should be your utmost goal. 

FEW WAYS TO HAVE GOOD RELATIONSHIPS

ONE: Know your rights and their rights, so that you can demand what is rightfully yours and also to make sure that you do not transgress on others’ rights.

TWO: Learn some culinary arts from your mother-in-law if she is still alive and able to take you through. She will definitely be pleased about it and it will also please your husband when you cook ‘his mom’s meal for him’

THREE: Don’t be overly defensive when being corrected or when your in-laws share their experiences, most especially on child upbringing and housekeeping. You have a choice to either follow what they say or you do what you feel is right.

FOUR: Do not hinder your husband from performing his responsibilities on his family. 

FIVE: Protect and hide their blemishes and faults. Do not talk about them to your family and friends, or backbite about them. Do not share secrets of their family with your own and do not break the trust your husband has placed in you in accepting you in his life and opening up to you about his family.

Imagine them to be your folks when they err, will you react the same way if it was your siblings or parents that did what they did? Your folks will understand if you insult them and apologize later, but will your in-laws understand? 

You are responsible for the way you react to things, be in charge. 

Find ways to resolve issues amicably, if staying apart would make the relationship blossom, please do, remember boundaries don’t have to be disrespectful.

May our homes be blessed.