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The effort made in the sexual areas spills over into every other area of marriage, and it also has a positive impact on non-marriage areas of life. 

Whether you have small or major changes ahead of you, remember that what you tend to is what grows. A seed that is not watered will not flourish. You want a greener garden? You water and tend to it because it’s only greener with watering, weeding and tender care. 

If you want to see beauty and fruit from your effort, you will need to be intentional in pursuing your goals.

Sometimes, it’s hard to know what to nurture when you want to grow but don’t have a specific goal in mind, When you have tried all you could and get no fruitful results from it. You may actually be too hard on yourself and want immediate results to your efforts, you need to remember that the amount of time it took the cocoyam to germinate is different from the coconut.

Non-sexual Growth

There are quite a number of non-sexual factors that can have an impact on your ability to look forward to and enjoy sex. The amount of time you have, your mental focus, and your physical health can make sex easier or more difficult.

A calm and uncluttered bedroom can help you feel like the bedroom is a sanctuary rather than a store (pantry) where all things are kept. 

Spending time with the words of Allah can help you address areas where your human nature is getting in the way of pursuing better sex.

Having an exercise routine and eating healthier meals can improve your mental health.

Grow yourself sexually

While your sex life is about you and your husband together, what you bring to your sex life from your past and from your daily life, plays a big role in the outcome.

Your thoughts, your access to information and support can either get in the way of sex or make your sex life better and even your understanding of Allah’s design for sex, Allah says, “Permitted for you, during the night of the fast, that you approach your wives. They are your garments, and you are their garments” (al-Baqarah:187) 

There’s a lot you can do to work on sexual growth without your husband

Pursue healing for your own sexual well-being by working with a counselor who specializes in the area where you hurt.

See a doctor to address physical issues that interfere with sex.

Sexually grow with your spouse

Pursuing goals and growing with your husband can strengthen your marriage, not just by accomplishing your goal, but also because the experience of doing something together contributes to the overall intimacy in your marriage.

Talk with your husband about what the two of you can work on, together.

Increase the frequency of your sexual encounters.

Add a little extra spice every week.

Make the decision that at least twice a month you’ll have longer sexual encounters, one that is all about giving him a great experience and one that is all about giving you a great experience.

The key to enjoying intimacy with your spouse is in intentionally believing and working towards a better sex life.