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Having peace in your marriage requires you to make a decision to live that way. If you don’t make the intentional effort, you won’t have it, and if you do have it right now, it won’t stay that way without you making certain efforts to keep it going. 

Everybody desires peace in their lives and marriages, and when it isn’t found in the union, some resort to separation, which can actually be a good thing for the parties involved, after all, peace is what we all crave and it can be found outside the four walls of marriage.

If you crave peace in your home and you are blessed with someone willing to take that road with you, then you are fortunate and you shouldn’t take it for granted, you must be willing to do the work to keep that peace.

MAKE A DECISION 

A decision is one of the mindsets for marriage growth. It means that you recognize that anything worth doing is worth doing right. You have to decide that you want certain things in your marriage, and your actions must be geared towards achieving that goal.

Keeping the peace is an example of a decision mindset. Make a conscious decision to take steps toward peace. You can’t just sit and expect it to happen. You have to secure your camel. Pray about it, and then take action to make it happen.

And the first steps you need to take are those required for making a change in yourself.

APOLOGIES 

One significant way to keep the peace in your marriage is by apologizing. 

While there are a lot of things that can go wrong when apologies go unsaid in a marriage, there are many more things to go very well when one of the spouses chooses to humble themselves and ask for forgiveness.

Saying you are sorry for something you said or did helps your spouse move past the anger they have towards you and opens the door to forgiveness. It also helps them to stop living in the past and begin focusing on their future with you.

While apologizing cannot undo what you did, the apology can help to undo some of the bad effects your actions had on your spouse. It also gives you a chance to discuss what happened and set some boundaries that may help prevent it from happening again.

WHEN YOU NEED TO APOLOGIZE 

Anytime that you have demeaned or injured your spouse, you need to apologize. Going without apologizing puts the marriage relationship in jeopardy.

Some examples of times you may need to apologize include times when you ignored them while they were trying to share something important with you, or you belittled them in front of your kids or other people.

Maybe you betrayed them by sharing something you knew they had told you in confidence.

WHY APOLOGIZING IS SO HARD

Apologizing is hard. It takes courage for anyone to admit they are wrong.

Often, we believe that we are better off ignoring the times we have hurt our spouses. We think that if we sweep them under the rug, no one will notice, or if they do notice, they won’t let it bother them.

Many people think of apologies as a sign of weakness, but a proper apology and a sincere effort to make things better is a sign of a person with a strong character.

You may feel that if you apologize for your part in the problem, you are admitting responsibility for the entire problem. This is not true. You can’t shoulder the whole blame, but you should admit anything that was your fault.

HOW TO APOLOGIZE EFFECTIVELY 

If you want to restore your marriage, it’s time to drop your pride and humbly ask for forgiveness.

Never apologize just because someone told you to or because you think it’s the “right thing to do.” People see through false apologies quickly, and it won’t help the state of your marriage. They will think you are just trying to manipulate them.

Find a time when you can be alone with your spouse without distractions and focus on being there for a serious conversation. Then, use the three Rs of apologies to give a heartfelt, honest apology.

SHOW REGRET 

Whether you meant it to or not, your action hurt your spouse. Let them know you are sorry. Design your apology to acknowledge that fact.

Express genuine regret by revealing your feelings of guilt and shame. Share how you have been suffering because of what you did.

Be specific in what you are apologizing for.

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

Don’t blame your spouse for what you did. Don’t make excuses. Accept full responsibility for yourself. Only you can ultimately control what you say or do.

Make sure they understand that your behavior is not a reflection of their worth. When people are hurt, they often take it very personally, and you want them to know that you treasure them.

IDENTIFY A REMEDY 

You can’t relive the past and undo what you did, all you can do is try to make it up to them.

Ask yourself what you can offer to make it better. Make sure what you suggest is something you can do and are willing to do. Emphasize your determination never to do anything like this again.

The success of the apology depends on the overall relationship between you and your spouse. Sometimes an apology will take your spouse a while to completely process and digest. They may need to be alone for a time, so be ready to give them some space.

Once you have apologized to your spouse, it’s time to forgive yourself. Your spouse needs your apology to move on, but it will be much more difficult to go forward with them if you keep beating yourself up over your bad behavior.

Take action and work toward the peace you so desperately want.