Listening is a skill that can be strengthened or weakened depending on many factors. Personality, childhood, mindfulness, and empathy can all play a part in whether someone is a good or bad listener.
One of the biggest struggles in a marriage is communication, and much of that conflict is because men and women have very different communication styles. The mistake we make mostly that causes conflict is thinking that your spouse communicates the same way you do. Couples can avoid a communication mistake by changing their mindsets about differences in communication.
WAYS TO AVOID COMMUNICATION MISTAKES:
Listen more often.
The number one tip is to listen more often. Maybe you are the one often doing the talking that you forget how to listen. It never hurts to lower one’s pride and lengthen one’s patience long enough to just listen to what your partner has to say. Once you train yourself to listen more often, it will come naturally when you are conversing with your spouse.
Use more “I” statements and less “You” statements.
Choosing the right words during an argument can be the difference between resolving your issues or making them worse.
Using “I-statements” shows personal accountability. It states that even though your partner is not acting or speaking in the way you would prefer, you are not blaming them for how you feel. When using “I-statements,” you take responsibility for the part you played in the disagreement and display the openness for deep listening and resolution. This decreases the chances of your spouse feeling like they need to defend themselves.
Be specific.
When issues arise, be specific and stick to the current issue. Focus on the feelings you are experiencing, rather than the things you think your partner is doing wrong. Broad generalizations like, “You do it all the time!” are not helpful; they only sabotage your relationship by making your partner feel attacked.
Avoid mind-reading.
It is very frustrating when someone else acts like they know better than you or what you were really thinking. If you have something to say, say it. No mixed messages, no hidden meanings. Be honest and have the courage to say exactly what you mean as clearly as possible.
Express negative feelings constructively.
It’s normal to feel negative emotions, the problem is when they cause damage.
Your focus is neither to suppress your emotions nor to completely wipe them out. Your ultimate goal is to learn to properly manage your emotions and make sure they aren’t doing any damage.
Frame and focus your attention so that you can express this emotion in a healthy way. Think about the words you are about to say carefully before spitting them out.
Listen without being defensive.
For a marriage to succeed, both spouses must be able to hear each other’s complaints without getting defensive. When something you said (or didn’t say) hurts your partner’s feelings, there’s a strong impulse to interrupt them, by defending your view even before your partner is done talking.
Unfortunately, your reactions will only make you both feel misunderstood.
Don’t take your partner’s complaint personally as your partner’s complaint is about their needs, not yours. Soothe your defensiveness so you can be there for them.
Freely express positive feelings.
Most people are quicker to express negative feelings than positive ones. It is important to the success of your marriage that you affirm your spouse. Positive feelings such as appreciation, affection, respect, admiration, and approval are like making deposits into your love account. You should have five positive deposits for every one negative. If your compliments exceed your complaints, your spouse will pay attention to your grievances. If your complaints exceed your compliments, your criticism will fall on deaf ears.
Know that both styles of communication of you and your spouse are equally valid.
Instead of trying to change your spouse’s style of communication, adapt to the differences.
Educate yourself about these differences so you can recognize them when you want to communicate to your spouse.
It’s a communication mistake to think that just because a man doesn’t talk much, that he isn’t interested in sharing with you.
Most couples genuinely want to hear and understand their partner when they speak, but the differences in how we talk can make that difficult. Take time to understand your spouse’s communication styles. Expecting your spouse to communicate like you do will only frustrate you and damage your marriage.
May Our Homes Be Blessed.
Love Always ❣️
Kimsheedah