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Most of us feel pangs of self doubt every now and then, which is totally normal. But, when it comes to jealousy in relationships, personal insecurities and comparison, it can actually create an unhealthy gap between you and your partner.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE INSECURE? 

Being insecure means you are unsure, unconfident and anxious. It’s a deep belief that you just aren’t good enough at things, in social situations, in relationships and more. You may even be living in a state of fear, always worrying about what is going to happen next.

SIGNS OF INSECURITY IN A RELATIONSHIP

No one feels completely sure  in their relationship at all times. But is it normal to be insecure in a relationship on a regular basis? No, and if you’re showing these signs, it’s time to learn how to stop being insecure in a relationship. 

JEALOUSY

This is one of the most obvious signs of insecurity in a relationship. A jealous partner constantly questions their significant other’s true intentions. They spy, become clingy or control friendships and free time of their partners. Jealousy is all-consuming and damaging to every relationship.

ATTENTION-SEEKING

Some attention-seeking behaviors are similar to jealousy, like the need for constant reassurance. Others are about a fear of being alone, like always having to do everything together or creating drama, or picking fights.

ARGUING

Every couple argues. The difference is between healthy and unhealthy arguing. Healthy arguing uses productive communication skills to reach a place of understanding and agreement. Unhealthy arguing stems from a lack of trust, unresolved insecurities and even fear that true communication will cause your partner to leave you.

 If the above is the case in your relationship and it’s taking a toll on you and your partner, here are what you need to do:

1. BUILD YOUR SELF-ESTEEM

The main cause of insecurities in a relationship is often a lack of self-love. If one partner holds on to harmful limiting beliefs, like being afraid of failure or thinking that they don’t deserve love, they won’t be able to trust completely. And trust is the foundation of any relationship. To work on self-love, first identify and overcome your limiting beliefs. Learn to interrupt negative patterns of self-talk. Take steps to build your confidence and turn your life into a journey of discovery, not distrust and suspicion. 

2. FIND OUT THE ROOT CAUSE OF YOUR INSECURITY

You can’t expel something if you don’t acknowledge it exists. Dig deep and think back to what is causing you so much grief in your current relationship. Was it something that happened when you were younger that stuck with you? Could it be something your partner is doing that is making you question their motives? Whatever it is, your marriage will benefit if you know what the source of your insecurities is. Then you’ll be ready to tackle it head-on.

3. LEARN TO COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY 

Communication is key in all areas of life. Especially if you are feeling insecure in a relationship. To really discover how to stop being insecure in a relationship, the best thing you can do is effectively communicate with your partner. How does your partner communicate? What’s their communication style? You can talk things over repeatedly, but unless you are truly connecting with your partner on their level, it will be challenging to resolve issues.

4. TRUST YOURSELF AND YOUR PARTNER

Trust is the key to happy, healthy relationships. Trust not only means sharing your deepest secrets with your partner without worrying that they are going to divulge them to anyone who will listen, but it also brings you comfort in knowing that they mean what they say, that they are not going to betray or hurt you.

Both partners can practice trust by living up to their word, being emotionally and physically present in the relationship, and by being accountable to each other. If your partner has never given you a reason to distrust them, then don’t.

5. STOP OVERTHINKING

If your partner says they want to hang out just with their friends one night and without you, or they want to visit their family alone, don’t take this as a personal slight. Not everything your partner does is meant to hurt you in some way. Just like them falling asleep before you have the chance to have sex doesn’t mean they are cheating or uninterested in you again, it probably means they’re tired.

For your sanity, take your partner at their word. Not everything action has a menacing thought behind it.

6. GIVE YOUR PARTNER SPACE

For a healthy relationship, you need to be willing to give your partner space. If you are feeling insecure or jealous, it may be difficult to give your partner space. But giving your partner space can help prevent them from feeling smothered or attacked. It can also give you a great opportunity to pursue your own interests and work on maintaining your own social life. Doing things on your own can help boost your confidence and remind you that you still have a life outside of your marriage.

7. TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS WITH A FRIEND

Nobody likes to feel alone. Get your most trusted friend(s) and share your innermost thoughts and feelings.

Not only will getting your woes off your chest relieve some of the worries you are feeling, but your friends will be able to share their own personal experiences in overcoming insecurity or jealousy in relationships.