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Sis, Today, let’s talk about habits that might be hurting your marriage (without you even knowing!).

Marriage, a beautiful union built on love, respect, and understanding. But even the strongest marriages can hit bumps along the road. Life gets busy, communication falters, and sometimes, we fall into habits that unintentionally cause hurt.

And you find yourself wondering, “What am I doing wrong?” “what is happening? “ etc. Know this: you’re not alone as this happens to the best of us. The good news is, with a little self-reflection and a commitment to positive change, we can cultivate a stronger, more fulfilling marriage, in line with Islamic principles.

Here are some common habits that might be hindering your marital bliss, along with tips on how to transform them:

1. The Scorecard Keeper:

Keeping a mental tally of who does what more often is a recipe for resentment. Let’s be honest, sometimes life gets messy. Maybe your husband forgot to take out the trash this week, but remember the times he surprised you with dinner or helped you with the kids without being asked?

Remember, marriage is partnership not competition. Keeping score only breeds resentment. Instead, focus on the positive aspects of your partner’s contributions. Does your husband bring joy and laughter? Does he take care of things you dislike doing? Appreciate his efforts, big or small.

Action Step: Practice gratitude. Write down three things you appreciate about your husband each day. Let him know how much you value his contributions, big or small.

2. The Communication Breakdown:

“Ugh, Here We Go Again…”Effective communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. But sometimes, frustration builds, and we fall into patterns of nagging or criticising.

You expect your husband to magically understand your unspoken desires. A silent treatment ensues when he fails to read your mind.

Don’t expect your husband to guess what’s bothering you. Speak openly and honestly about your feelings.

Action Step: Before a difficult conversation, take a deep breath and make dua for guidance. Listen actively to your husband’s perspective without interrupting. Focus on finding solutions together, rather than assigning blame.

3. The Comparison Trap:

Social media bombards us with seemingly perfect couples. We see stunning pictures of seemingly perfect couples, vacations they take, and the amazing meals they prepare. It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing our marriages to these carefully curated online snapshots.

Remember, every marriage is unique. Social media is a highlight reel, not real life. Every marriage has its own challenges and triumphs. Focus on nurturing your unique connection with your husband.

Shift your focus to appreciating the good things in your marriage. Take time to reflect on the things you love about your husband and your life together.

Action Step: Unfollow accounts that make you feel inadequate. Instead, seek inspiration from Islamic lectures or follow accounts that portray a more realistic and balanced view of married life.

4. The Words That Wound:

In the heat of the moment, hurtful words are exchanged. Apologies are made, but the sting lingers.

Words have immense power. Choose them carefully, especially during disagreements. Remember the Prophet Muhammad’s (PBUH) advice: “Let him who believes in Allah and the Last Day either speak good or keep silent”

Everyone makes mistakes. If your husband apologizes sincerely, forgive him and move forward. Holding onto resentment only hurts you both.

Remember, sis, a strong marriage is a team effort. By letting go of unproductive habits and embracing open communication, appreciation, and forgiveness, you can cultivate a marriage that thrives, one that brings you closer to Allah (SWT) and your spouse.

There are also a lot of resources available to help you and your husband navigate the challenges of marriage. Consider attending marriage counselling workshops together, listen to beneficial lectures from reputable scholars, and read beneficial books.

By working together and seeking guidance from Allah (SWT), you can build a marriage that is a source of strength, love, and happiness for both of you, in this life and the next.